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[ website | My Xanga ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[16 Oct 2005|06:39pm]
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[26 May 2004|09:25pm]
you said that i was an asshole, and i paid the price
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[28 Sep 2002|07:54pm]
so once again i am discontinuing my use of livejournal. moved on to xanga.... just seems easier.

anyhow in case anyone is all that interested, im over at http://www.xanga.com/home.asp?user=MattoBaBatto

later all
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i will find you / like a glacier cuts the seabed / leaving canyons / in your cheek bones [19 Sep 2002|09:06pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

i had a blast tonight. the end.

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i want you to know, dear / when im not around / you're so fucking special / i wish i was special / but im a creep [17 Sep 2002|10:32pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

schools back. so i guess that leaves me back to writing in livejournal.

i am still employed at hennings. i am a senior at souderton area highschool. im still single *sigh* and feel like my summer was wasted.

so yea, after school today, i just went straight down to my basement and played guitar. I honestly feel that i have improved since i started. normally when i start somthing, i hit a wall, and never ever excell at it. but over the summer, i just played anything i could find, and just played the songs over and over and it was the most enjoyable thing i've done for myself in a long time. so here i was, no one home, screamin my lungs out while playin "Creep" tryin to get my voice out over the amp.

i dont think i'd ever be able to sing with anyone around ever. not even ralston or rohlo. like, i know they'd be cool with it, but i dunno...... dont see a need for it. they're the entertains. not me.

so as of late, i've been doin alrite i guess. nothing all too noteworthy. cennet's gettin married, so horray for her i guess. went to laura m.'s 22nd b-day party, also had a blast at that.

havin friends at school is a plus. there have been a shitload of peopl that i've neglected over the summer and these past few years. tryin to make ammends for that... last year im ever gonna see the majority of these people, so why be a dick to em, yanno?

one year ago, at the drive-in broke up...... its been a long time........

speaking of years, im 18 soon. that i cannot wait for. any curfew that may have once inhibited me from staying out late shall no longer apply. that means i can actually stay late at parties!!! *gasp* yippy-friggin-doo!

its tuesday night, i have a full day of school tomorrow..... but just doin my annual post lettin everyone know im still alive and kicking.... maybe i should make a habit outta livejournal (again...).

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no worries, i am still around [13 Aug 2002|09:42pm]
Name: Matthew Z. Olkowski
Do you like it?: it has its upsides
Nicknames: matto, mole
Screen names: MinusFidel
Age: 17
Birthday: 10/14/1984
Sign: libra
Location: Harleysville
School: Souderton Area Highschool
Status: single
Crush: i have a few, yes
Natural hair color: born w/. dark brown hair, evolved over time
Current hair color: dirty blonde
Eye color: grey/hazel
Height: 5'8''
Birthplace: grandview hospital
Shoe size: 11

[ family ]

Parents: phil and maryanne
Siblings: 2 sisters
Live with: the above mentioned and a multitude of animals
Favorite relative: father, cousin megan

[ favorites ]

Number: 56
Color: amber
Day: thursday
Month: autum, especially october
Song: "Air" by SPARTA
Movie: 199X, Se7en, Fight Club
Food: anything at kyoto
Band: SPARTA, At The Drive-In, Alkaline Trio.... i dunno, theres a lot of awesome bands out there.
Season: autum
Sport: watching football
Class: mrs. harners history class w/. rohl and wagner
Teacher:mr. smith, mrs. harner
Drink: Memory, rosenburgers iced tea
Veggie: carrots or fresh picked string beans
TV Show: Adult Swim
Radio Station: 93.3WMMR or opie and anthony on wysp
Store: salvation army, best buy
Word: gwicha
Animal: imaginary ones
Flower: how about plants....... a wide dead tree
State: California

[ this or that ]

Me/You: you in most cases
Coke/pepsi: vanilla coke
Day/night: twilight
Aol/aim: AIM
Cd/cassette: compact disc
Dvd/vhs: DVD
Jeans/khakis: jeans
Car/truck: my car
Tall/short: i wish i was tall
Lunch/dinner: dinner ala wendys
NSYNC/BSB: <---- ?? what TF?
Britney/Christina: again... no comment
Lipstick/Lipgloss: lipgloss tastes good
Silver/Gold: silver

[ love and relationships ]

Do you have a bf/gf?: no
Do you have a crush?: i answered this previously
How long have you liked him/her?: on and off..... whatever
Why do you like this person?: that they want more of this town then it has 2 offer
If you're single... why are you single?: i've been single since last summer... no reason why
How long was your longest relationship?: 6 months
How long was your shortest relationship?: a few days maybe
Who was your first love?: jaimee maybe... dunno
What do you miss about them?: its not really that i miss it, its just that i regret how i treated her

[ the past ]

What is the one thing you would change about your past?: myself....and wish i could have done somthing for rich
What is the biggest mistake you've made in your life?: getting rohl drunk, or being ignorant towards girlfriends
Last thing you heard: my mom telling me theres hogies in the fridge
Last thing you saw: keyboard
Last thing you said: ALL RIGHT, I'LL EAT INNA MINUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Who is the last person you saw?: my sister walk by
Who is the last person you kissed: laurel mebbe
Who is the last person you hugged?: jenn bardnt
Who is the last person you fought with?: my mother
Who is the last person you were on the phone with?: an answering machine
What is the last TV show you saw?: Simpsons
What is the last song you heard?: '97 by alkaline trio

[ have you ever ]

Drank?: a few weeks ago
Smoked? 10 minutes ago
Had sex?: december
Stolen?: tonight at work i stole my lunch
Done anything illegal?: daily (breaking speedlimit and such)
Wanted to die?: it happens
Hit someone?: tonight

[ other ]

Do you write in cursive or print?: indescribable
Are you a lefty or a righty?: depends, write with right, left w/. everything else
What is your sexual preference?: women
What piercings do you have?: none
Do you have glasses or braces?: contacts
Did you like this survey?: eh... i've had better

[ physical appearance ]

What do you most like about your body?: hair, my eyes
And least?: scars
How many fillings do you have?: none
Do you think you're good looking?: no
Do you look like any celebrities?: i dunno

[ fashion ]

Do you wear a watch?: no, my cell serves as one
How many coats and jackets do you own?: one winter jacket, tons of hoodies
Favorite pants/skirt color?: dark blue
Most expensive item of clothing?: a jacket
Most treasured?: my etnies hoodie
What kind of shoes do you wear?: DC
Describe your style in one word: idiotique
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[25 Jul 2002|02:38pm]

You are a pheonix.

What legend are you?. Take the Legendary Being Quiz by Paradox
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and i never thought this day would come.... [24 Jul 2002|12:50am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

hello darkness, my old friend.

life is life is life. trying to change it or add to it or take away from it is the road to self destruction. things become offered to you, you accept them. you do not decline or ask for more.

my summer has been just that. summer. i still miss last year. even though i couldn't drive, i miss it. as i write this, i have a female on my mind. well, more or less embedded into my brain. i don't know whats going on with her.... i feel used. what makes me such a target for abuse? not even abuse, just what makes me to appear to be some person who enjoys getting manipulated?

For the past month, i have been writing letters to myself. i started this just cause my memory is not all that great, and i want to remember as much as i can. i started writing these letters to myself because of Laurel. she's a person who i believe that i care for very much. im swimming in a river of my own shit and i just want to drownd. anyway, laurel's leaving for falcon ridge in new york thursday morning at 1030 AM. im planning on stopping by and just giving her all the fucking letters i wrote. these are memories that i dont want to carry with me anymore.

i want to drive. i want to escape and leave and be gone forever. as im driving back from "The Wall (a place in souderton)" (hopefully for the last time) i just wished i sold everything i owned, and used the money just to buy land somewhere in the great plains. just live by myself until im dead. so many grand ideas that i know never will pan out in the end.

a little over a year ago, me and katie broke up, beginning of july. during the schoolyear, i thought i hated her. i didnt. i just thought i did. it was just anger, frustration, whatever. she's a good human being, we're on friends terms now i beleive.

i feel like standing at the edge of an iceberg, surround by people.... and at the edge, i just want to break away, and just float away. so slowly that no one notices that im slipping away. then im gone, and go fuck yourselves. congradulations...


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hello darkness my old friend... i've come to talk with you again... [02 Jun 2002|11:22pm]
[ mood | rushed ]

the worst are the nights that you wish you could remember everything you've ever done. as i sit here now, i can think of nothing that i've ever done. a sad shade of depression hangs in the air. thats okay. this weekend was fine.

when the plane falls... in the ocean... at least we went down fighting....

i havent written in livejournal in months. i havent been online in ages. i dunno if i've missed it or not. i guess all the millions of miniscual events that have occured from my last entry until now will be lost forever. my mind isnt what it used to be. this weekend has revolved around me hopping from party to party. not drinking parties, mind you, but graduation parties. i am not graduating this year, but many of my friends are. have i accomplished anything this year? grade-wise, i have just impaled my coffin with another nail. this was supposed to be my year of trying to get into college.... didnt quite turn out that way.

never considered this suprize... until then, complete suprize...

eventhing looks metalic, sterile, and dying. i have been sober for ages. what is wrong with me. i can see the summer from where i am right now. it looks bleak. if it didn't, i'd be worried.


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[06 Apr 2002|01:27am]
shit night. workin on killin 17 oz. of vodka. wont drink it all..... but at least 5-7 oz shall be in my belly come 2 am. bah.....

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and now that i've been drinking / i might have smoked / and i wish that i hadn't [05 Apr 2002|03:52pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

junior prom 2nite. matto = working instead. now look sad and say d'oh......


aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, its not like i would have had a date even if i didnt work, so whatever. laurel has drifted outta the picture relationship-wise. we're friends at least. today she really reminded me about linze. first time i've actually thought about that chick since she left. laurel mentioned that she was gettin aderal, and wanted me to join her afterschool. of course i refused.... well, i shouldn't even say of course, but i did refuse none the less. but linze was always talking about aderal..... man, same girls over and over again.... i have at the drive-in playing right now. second to last track. very very good. reminds me so much of last year. this is all i listened to end of last year, beginning of this one. dunno if they were good times in my life or not. they were just times. it's weird. you try and think about the times you miss so much, but you never know why you miss them. and even if you think you know why you miss the past, its you're own fault for anything changing anyway, so missing it doesnt work.

this weekend should suck pretty badly, but we'll see what happens.


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as the contrails pass / you spoke your mind [31 Mar 2002|09:02pm]
[ mood | blah ]

so burnt. lol, man, this is horrible. i haven't smoked weed in forever, and i already feel burnt out as shit

so lets see... easter sucked. this entire vacation has sucked. i got the Sparta EP tho, and it is godly. it has 4 tracks, and its only 16 minutes long, but it has been playing non-stop since friday.

so yesterday, i worked, then when i got off i gave ralston a call up. him and kate were at the souderton park sitting on the theater stage. they invite me along, and i show up about 10 minutes later. we drive to laurels house but she isnt around (dammit), so we go and park at some church then walk about a mile to underneath some bridge by these traintracks. a huge graffiti gallery is there. it was pretty decent, but i felt like the odd man out. its weird. after i dropped ralston and kate off yesterday at ralstons house at like 430, the song "Cataract" by SPARTA came on. and as im pulling out of ralstons driveway, i almost felt like crying. i have no fucking clue why. and not really crying either.... i just felt lost, worthless, alone. i dunno what it was, but i felt like shit. cennet drifted around in my head as i slowly made my way home through the back roads of franconia.

today i had church. i hate church. im not even religious. well, i saw furey there. he was wearin a bright, BRIGHT neon green polo shirt and he was passed out inna pew. good ol' furey. after that i get home, and at 3, i had to go 2 my aunts for dinner. it wasnt too bad though. me and my cousin just jammed from like 4-730. he's gotten much better at drums.

so i get home, and i call cennet. we talk for a few minutes, and she says she will call me back tonight around 11-ish. i miss talkin with her.

okay, so thats all. i'll update whenever i fuckin feel like it.


happy easter, rich.

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[20 Mar 2002|01:28pm]
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surveys are shit [07 Mar 2002|10:20pm]
[ mood | listless ]

name: Matto
age: 17
haircolor: red/blonde/brown (bleech and red dye are growin out)

favorite movie: My Cousin Vinny, The Smashing Pumpkins DVD, Fight Club, Interview With A Vampire
favorite color: maroon, grey
favorite tv-show: The Simpsons, Adult Swim, Family Guy, Futurama
favorite food: anything when im baked is good. but big ass sandwiches are the best
favorite book: How Like A God

five phrases you use:
"Yanno what? I wish i had cancer"
"Rohl... what the fuck did you just say?"

five songs you know the words to, even without the music:
do your feet hurt by mxpx
muzzle by the smashing pumpkins
napolean solo by at the drive in
bonedriven by bush
date rape by sublime

five albums that changed your life:
relationship of command by ATDI
obsolete by fear factory
dead heart in a dead world by nevermore
aenima by tool
tonights decision by katatonia

five of your favorite songs:
napolean solo by ATDI
the whole razorblade suitcase album
detox by strapping young lad
comfortably numb by pink floyd
say it aint so by weezer

five things you want to do before you die:
survive a car crash
publish an RPG story
win battle of the bands next year
hear that ATDI got back together
get a girlfriend.... guah

five things you cannot stand:
my mother
why pop bands are popular
how i have a 0.9 GPA
why i am such an jerk

five things you are wearing this second:
white tee
alcatraz hoodie
blue work pants
pencil on mah ear

five things you'd buy with one thousand dollars:
a les paul
an ounce of weed
tons of rum
rent out the telford borough hall for a rock show (sorry you manhunt fuckers)
a few packs of cigs

five things you can't live without:
my guitar
music in general
a drivers licence
my close friends
my cynicism

five of your favorite places to eat:
tgi fridays
my old car (seriously too)
the cn tower in toronto
the boardwalk

five items you have brand loyalty to:
relapse records

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no rest for the wicked [28 Feb 2002|11:08pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]

february is finally at an end.

this month has been unspeakably bad. and i cannot think of one good reason as to why it has been so shitty.

like...... it has just been tons and tons of odds and ends in my life just piling up, leaving me to find a crutch to bare all of the weight. well, my crutch of hte month has been drugs. whoopidy fuckin doo.

i can no longer drive my car. i still have a licence, and i guess i can use the old van, but as far as that "Olds" goes, it has become a lawn orniment. my inspection was due in by the end of this month, but because i cannot afford to waste any $$$ onna new muffler for that pile of shit, i cannot pass inspection. and not passing inspection means you dont drive the car. the end.

i think im losing my mind. well, not losing it, but i've been having these weird sensations as of late. like, earlier tonight, after i got home from work, i walked up to my room for a cd. and when i got in my room grabbed a cd, and went to turn, it felt like someone had just put a bookbag on my back... like... it just felt like suddenly there was weight on me, and as i noticed this and took a few steps, it was gone. dont ask me what the fuck that means, but it was weird.... i guess i spend too much time walkin around school. i dunno. fuck that.

i also have no clue what's going on with laurel. i was gettin some weird vibe afterschool today that she has a crush on jonny. well, if she does, more power to her. i didnt have a chance with her to begin with. now i can feel a vein in my neck..... its pulsing........ and now its gone....... i had zoned out for a minute. and i could feel it....... its only when you close yourself off to things that you every really notice anything.

i always feel ignored. you know how there is always that one kid on AIM. who IMs you, and is actually trying to talk to you, and you only give one word responces and minimize the IM right away just because u could care less. well, i feel like i have become that person. i've been feeling so empty and alone lately, and im trying to talk to so many people about anything... and the conversations always seem stagnent. maybe its just because i am an uninterresting person. fuck if i know.

i do not have work saturday or sunday this week. im goiing to try and advoid drugs as much as possible. jenn barndt is getting shrooms again though.... guah...... fuck you february, you ruined this year.....

im failing 1/3 of my classes....... dammit..... i've given up....... not given up to the point of dropping out, but given upto the point of where i sleep in art..... in ART!!!! you're always supposed to be making a pinch pot or throwing on the wheel, and all i ever whined up doing is putting my head down on the clay coated table and trying to get a few minutes of sleep before the hell that is cisco.

no one is online.... im not suprized....


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i fear that i / am ordinary / just like everyone [23 Feb 2002|03:36pm]
[ mood | irate ]

its saturday. its 3:15, and here i sit, with no access to any form of transportation.

last night was battle of the bands. at about 5:45 i pick up mosh, and we head off to some church. my bowl was fuckin plugged up, so we hadda mutilate a cig and use that for a joint. we had just enough to get buzzed and head off to the show.... which should have fuckin been our show.

we arrive in at about 7. the show wasnt all that bad. mike capkos band did the best i beleive. they had the most fun playin it looked like, and ended their set with a perfect version of "The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World. for most of the show, i just rotated between groups of friends. mosh and robin, then zach and his crew, then wagner, and finally laurel. rohl also showed up for 2 hours or so, so that was cool at least. i sat w/. him and his girlfriend for the majority of the time, only moving around to chat w/. laurel or join wagner and bibic for a smoke. i left at 10:45 and took mosh home. it was a great show... but i drove home with a slight feeling of emptiness, concidering i was supposed to play......

this morning i had to work 7-1. shit hours..... too early for my tastes.

after work, i call up bynon, but she was in philly with ralston. i try gettin ahold of jenn barndt but she was no where to be found. in frustration i get in my car and drive towards the mobile in souderton for a pack of smokes. as im going down county line i see flashing lights behind me, so i take a right down acorn dr to let the cop pass.... well, it turns out that he was actually following me. he told me i was going 48.3 miles per hour inna 25 zone. fuck.... so he gave me a $103 dollar fine but didnt take any points off of my licence...... i am still pissed as shit though. and the WORST part has to be how now i cannot afford the 311 tickets. what the FUCK is that?!?! i've been looking forward to going to that for about half a month since deitz told me about it, but now i cant even pay for the ticket.. how am i gonna be able to get $20 together for a show?

so after that ordeal i head to mobile, pissed as fuck...... and ask for a pack of reds and they fuckin CARD me!!!!!!! i've never been carded there in my entire life...... well, once as a joke, but i still got the cigs. so i head home feeling as low as i could possibly feel... and had nothing to smoke while driving back.

then i get online, and see that cennets on for the first time in like a month. so i ask her hows shes doin and she replies with "i've been doing lines of coke... but only on the weekends, so its okay."

is this the destroy matto's fuckin will to ever trust anyone or go out and have fun ever again week? it sure fuckin seems that way. i told cennet rich died because of drugs and she didnt seem to care..... then she said she had to go, told me that she loved me, and left. you cant ever love anyone if you dont respect them in some way. i just think she doesnt give 2 shits about me anymore, and that hurts a little. it doesnt matter though. i'm used to people telling me one thing, and feeling somthing entirely different. yeah, i still care about cennet, but it seems lost on her.... my lungs hurt.......

so now i sit here, listening to the blue album by weezer wishing i was at last night again. i wish i could live at a constant show..... guah.... i have 8 ounces of spiced rum out in my car..... i have to get wasted 2nite...... i have nothing to look forward to.....


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the world is a vampire [19 Feb 2002|10:27pm]
[ mood | rejected ]

it has been an unbelievably long time since i have taken the time to update this piece of trash. I am so bored right now though, and almost nobody is online, so my theory is update livejournal.

the presidents day vacation from school officially ended today. cockshit. i had fun methinks over the break though. I got wasted every day and that's always fun.

Oh yea, there was a show at the telford borough hall too. that was pretty good i guess. the greatest band there would have to be "The Cho Experiment." A cross breed of Mr. Bungle and Iggy Pop... and a less-chesty version of Madonna. The lead singer hadda bra on and a cordless mic and was runnin around like a fairy singin and crawlin through the crowd. it was kind of entertaining to watch, even though the puerto rican bassist was a cocky sonnavbitch that i felt like tossing out the window. mosh, ralston, ally, weeden, christie, jenn barndt, rob, robin, ect. Laura and Bynon never showed up though, not that i was suprized.

the only other worthwhile event that transpired would have to be manhunt. now, manhunt sucks cock-ass, but at least they can move the crowd. they were the only band who had a pit going. they also had a light show type thingy. pretty gay, but whatever. anyway, manhunt was the last band to preform, and it was about 9, and the only people left were the die-hard punk kids. so the manhunt pit was a blast. as soon as the first song played, the center of the crowd exploded. that is the only reason i stayed for manhunt. just because i KNEW that they would start a pit. so i dive into the middle of it, and get railed, and look up to find myself skidding past moshiem towards the wall. but i hop back ot my feet and charge back into he pit, like i was chasing a black kid who stole my wallet.

the the show was rocken, and i came home tired as shit, but upbeat as anything. the end.

oh, i also have been hunting for a new car. my oldsmobile has seen better days. the muffler fell off last wednesday, and my tire popped after the show, and my fan belt snapped last night. so yeah, i bought a new tire, and belt, but no fuckin way im going to pay$400 for a new exhaust system for a car that's worth under $100.

okay.... late breaking fuckin news...... me and mosh are no longer playing battle of the bands. he talked to fonda tonight, fonda says too many other bands are playing. i fucking hate that band fag!!!!!! what the FUCK!!!!!! this week has become shit.



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[26 Dec 2001|11:48pm]
JacksonFrog12 (11:13:32 PM): who the hell is your buddy icon
JacksonFrog12 (11:13:35 PM): it dives me nuts
MinusFidel (11:13:41 PM): what is it?
JacksonFrog12 (11:14:02 PM): some close up of an arab forieners face
MinusFidel (11:14:06 PM): LOL
MinusFidel (11:14:14 PM): i thought i've explained this 2 u before
JacksonFrog12 (11:14:29 PM): probably i just didnt get it
MinusFidel (11:15:36 PM): lol
MinusFidel (11:16:25 PM): i stole it from some parkistan union nation bank web-site
JacksonFrog12 (11:16:38 PM): you never told me that
JacksonFrog12 (11:16:46 PM): you told me you didnt know what it was and you thought it looked like you
MinusFidel (11:17:15 PM): LOL
MinusFidel (11:17:23 PM): i never said i looked like a sand nigger!!!!!!!
MinusFidel (11:17:39 PM): christ!!!!!
JacksonFrog12 (11:17:41 PM): you so did
MinusFidel (11:17:50 PM): thats as bad as me sayin "i love blacks and homosexuals!"
MinusFidel (11:18:12 PM): i dislike both, by the way.....
JacksonFrog12 (11:18:26 PM): hahahhahahahah what would you do if a black chick raped you and had your nigger child who started to become attracted to boys at the age of 4
MinusFidel (11:18:57 PM): good god.....
MinusFidel (11:18:59 PM): um...
MinusFidel (11:19:09 PM): i'd drown the 4 year old inna bathtub
MinusFidel (11:19:14 PM): strangle the mother
JacksonFrog12 (11:19:24 PM): then choke the nigger with teh dead black and blue child
MinusFidel (11:19:28 PM): and beat the fuck outta the other kid who the bastard child was commin onto
JacksonFrog12 (11:21:21 PM): we coudl probably get insittued into a phyciatric ward if anyone ever read this convo
MinusFidel (11:21:27 PM): HAHAHA
MinusFidel (11:21:56 PM): i feel like printin it out, and sticking it to the door of the guidance office at my school w/. a knife and writing "your next"
JacksonFrog12 (11:23:40 PM): i am pasting this on my live journal
MinusFidel (11:23:44 PM): LOL
MinusFidel (11:23:46 PM): good
JacksonFrog12 (11:23:53 PM): i feel so bad if a black person were to read it though
MinusFidel (11:24:05 PM): i hope a faggot black asshole reads it and then realizes his life is in constant danger
MinusFidel (11:24:21 PM): *shifty eyes*
MinusFidel (11:24:51 PM): hold up, crackin knuckles
MinusFidel (11:26:15 PM): there we go
MinusFidel (11:26:21 PM): bring on the niggers
MinusFidel (11:27:39 PM): so hows ur week been?
MinusFidel (11:29:15 PM): so what time be ya workin in the morrow?
JacksonFrog12 (11:29:58 PM): 9 till 9
JacksonFrog12 (11:30:04 PM): illegal
MinusFidel (11:30:10 PM): ...seriously though, when ya workin
JacksonFrog12 (11:30:26 PM): no unfortunately that is the truth
MinusFidel (11:30:32 PM): ....
MinusFidel (11:30:49 PM): the dollar trees days just became numbered
MinusFidel (11:31:18 PM): heres the plan
MinusFidel (11:31:40 PM): have tomorrow be a special sale ONLY for black homesexual niggers
MinusFidel (11:31:59 PM): and when the store fills 2 the brim with though fuckers, i lock the doors and light it on fire
MinusFidel (11:32:06 PM): too birds with one stone
MinusFidel (11:32:08 PM): ....or lighter
MinusFidel (11:32:11 PM): muahahaha
MinusFidel (11:32:39 PM): and what would the cops say? "um. sir... your under arrest for killing a shitload of niggers and ass nazis."
MinusFidel (11:33:06 PM): methinks it be more along the lines of "thank you"
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the sun that never sets / burns all [24 Dec 2001|10:22pm]
[ mood | conflicted ]

its christmas eve.... what a fucking waste.

today was shitty. i woke up at about 12-somthing and my arm was killin me. at some point yesterday while jamming with mosh and erik (which was fun as hell, by the way. erik schooled both mosh and i... not suprizing) i had put my guitar down in such a fasion that i turned and hurt my wrist... cept at the time, i didnt realize i hurt it.

well, as i was saying, i woke up after 12 and m hand was throbbing. so i take a shower, go downstairs and get in my car and just drive. i also forced myself 2 smoke with my left hand, being that i dropped the cig when it was in my right.

so after driving around, and meeting up with zach hoffman, i returned home. upon coming inside, my mom commented on my smell, asking "smoke enough cigarettes?" and i replied with "nah... could've used a few more" so yea... i sorta ratted myself out. whatever, i dont care. but keep this insignificant incident in the back of your mind, for it will reer its ugly head later that night.

so i sort of advoid my family by hanging in the basement all day playing final fantasy 10 until about 4. at that point, i got changed for church, and we left the house at 420, even though church didnt start until 5... she wanted to get good seats..... guah....

anyway, we arrive in hatfield at about 440..... and there is not a parking space 2 be found.... so in a rage, my mom peels out of hte parking lot, ranting about the people who only go 2 church one day out of the year, and how since she goes every sunday to church, she has a right to a parking spot and a place to sit without being squished. i said nothing during hte car ride home.

so we get back, and i watch fight club until 6. then we left for my aunts house.
so we get there, and i go to the upstairs room and watch a christmas story (the ralphy one) and i begin to pick up bits and pieces of the conversation from down below... and as it turned out... my mom felt the need to tell my aunt, uncle, and cousins that i smoke. fucking great.

so when dinner rolled around, i piled a plate with food, and went back upstairs. i hate family social gatherings. now what i would like to know, though, would be why the fuck my mom felt the need to tell about what happings in OUR house. its not the extended familys buisness what the hell i do. talk about terrorism, politics, SHOPPING, just not my fucking habits.

so i come home, and am sitting the my basement, hoping that i sleep right fucking though tomorrow. also, my moms side of the family is comin over here. oh joy of joys. so here i sit, hoodiee on, talking to a friend of mine, and wishing i felt tired.

so if its your holiday, merry christmas everyone. if its not, have an awesome normal day.


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you mess with one bean / and you mess with the whole burritto [19 Dec 2001|08:08pm]
[ mood | bored ]

you know im pretty fuckin desperate when i revert back to livejournal.

appearently, deadjournal is going to be down for an undisclosed amount of time, leaving me to rant openly to myself, write shit down in my notebook... or use this asshole journal which NEVER LOADS between 9 thru 11 pm.

so yea, tomorrow is thursday... last day before x-mass break. i also work thursday... yikes. but nah, im just gonna be glad to have over a week offa school.

so what have i been up to.... um, i leant bailey $15... but he cant pay me back, so he owes me a favor. woo-hoo (btw, favor = free cigs, weed, booze, whatever)

tonight i watched almost famous. pretty good movie. ending is confusing as shit, but i liked it.... but i thought that main charrector was insane. okay.. if ur on TOUR with a band, with tons of young hot groupies... erm..... "band-aids" ...... and only get laid once... there is somthing seriously wrong with you.

anyway, i sit here now eating ziti i made. so BORED..... i just wanna pass the fuck out now, then wake up tomorrow morning, and blow through that day of school and come home and just go 2 work, come home again... and PASS THE FUCK OUT.... which would be a different passing out then tonight... tomorrow nites pass out will be the end all of passed outs. i just wanna sleep all through friday until 5pm, get dressed for work, feeling refreshed... come home at 11... and lapse back into my comatose.

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