matto (crucialseven) wrote,

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i fear that i / am ordinary / just like everyone

its saturday. its 3:15, and here i sit, with no access to any form of transportation.

last night was battle of the bands. at about 5:45 i pick up mosh, and we head off to some church. my bowl was fuckin plugged up, so we hadda mutilate a cig and use that for a joint. we had just enough to get buzzed and head off to the show.... which should have fuckin been our show.

we arrive in at about 7. the show wasnt all that bad. mike capkos band did the best i beleive. they had the most fun playin it looked like, and ended their set with a perfect version of "The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World. for most of the show, i just rotated between groups of friends. mosh and robin, then zach and his crew, then wagner, and finally laurel. rohl also showed up for 2 hours or so, so that was cool at least. i sat w/. him and his girlfriend for the majority of the time, only moving around to chat w/. laurel or join wagner and bibic for a smoke. i left at 10:45 and took mosh home. it was a great show... but i drove home with a slight feeling of emptiness, concidering i was supposed to play......

this morning i had to work 7-1. shit hours..... too early for my tastes.

after work, i call up bynon, but she was in philly with ralston. i try gettin ahold of jenn barndt but she was no where to be found. in frustration i get in my car and drive towards the mobile in souderton for a pack of smokes. as im going down county line i see flashing lights behind me, so i take a right down acorn dr to let the cop pass.... well, it turns out that he was actually following me. he told me i was going 48.3 miles per hour inna 25 zone. fuck.... so he gave me a $103 dollar fine but didnt take any points off of my licence...... i am still pissed as shit though. and the WORST part has to be how now i cannot afford the 311 tickets. what the FUCK is that?!?! i've been looking forward to going to that for about half a month since deitz told me about it, but now i cant even pay for the ticket.. how am i gonna be able to get $20 together for a show?

so after that ordeal i head to mobile, pissed as fuck...... and ask for a pack of reds and they fuckin CARD me!!!!!!! i've never been carded there in my entire life...... well, once as a joke, but i still got the cigs. so i head home feeling as low as i could possibly feel... and had nothing to smoke while driving back.

then i get online, and see that cennets on for the first time in like a month. so i ask her hows shes doin and she replies with "i've been doing lines of coke... but only on the weekends, so its okay."

is this the destroy matto's fuckin will to ever trust anyone or go out and have fun ever again week? it sure fuckin seems that way. i told cennet rich died because of drugs and she didnt seem to care..... then she said she had to go, told me that she loved me, and left. you cant ever love anyone if you dont respect them in some way. i just think she doesnt give 2 shits about me anymore, and that hurts a little. it doesnt matter though. i'm used to people telling me one thing, and feeling somthing entirely different. yeah, i still care about cennet, but it seems lost on her.... my lungs hurt.......

so now i sit here, listening to the blue album by weezer wishing i was at last night again. i wish i could live at a constant show..... guah.... i have 8 ounces of spiced rum out in my car..... i have to get wasted 2nite...... i have nothing to look forward to.....

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